Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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