He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
