You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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