Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
