what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
