I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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