So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
