Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
