last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
