wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
