Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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