Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
