I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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