Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Your penis caused this!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
