If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
