my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
