I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
