I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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