Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
