they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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