He told me they were just razor bumps!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
