why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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