I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
