I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
