Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My feet surprised me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize