i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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