Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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