It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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