Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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