every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
