highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
