I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
