I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
