I must be too annoying 4 u.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
