my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
