He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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