Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
