you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
