how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
