but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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