I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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