meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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