That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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