Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
