I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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