I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
