i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
