Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All the doctor said was why
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
