you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have fence marks all over my body
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
