We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
and you fell through a lawn chair
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize