i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize