I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We're too hungover to prance.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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