That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
