I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
