life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
