No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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