he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
