it was like his penis was on wheels.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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