I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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