And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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